Tit For Tat: Is Revenge Really A Bad Strategy?

Tit for tat is a strategy from game theory. Particularly in games like the Prisoner’s Dilemma, where one party replicates the actions of the other. It begins with cooperation but mirrors the opponent’s previous move. If the opponent cooperates, tit for tat continues to cooperate. If the opponent defects, tit for tat retaliates in the next round. A simple, yet remarkably effective strategy for cooperation, resolving conflict, and maintaining fairness in competitive and uncertain situations.

According to game theory, tit for tat is the most effective choice for games based on cooperation or defection. Both players benefit if they cooperate, and only one benefits and the other loses if they defect, and both lose to some extent if they defect simultaneously. It builds on our instinctual notions of reciprocity. The best option when dealing with people we cannot trust entirely is to reciprocate their choices. We can rarely put all our trust into anyone. Especially if they are in a position to gain from our loss. Lean toward tit for tat. If somebody helps us, we’ll be happy to assist them when they ask for it. But if they ignore our plight, we shouldn’t care in the inverse situation.

Tit for that is another reason why evolution selects for cooperative behavior. It benefits everyone in the long run. As straightforward as tit for tat sounds, mixing in some forgiveness makes it even better. This means sometimes cooperating in face of defection. It is easy for two opponents to get stuck in a vicious cycle of defection. They cannot escape it unless one decides to cooperate. Why not be the cooperator? Life is an iterative game, not a stagnant one. Circumstances change. It pays to go positive and go first. People make mistakes. Assuming the other person has no malicious intent, forgiving pays dividends.

The crux of the strategy is simple. Start with cooperation. Begin with goodwill, an optimistic approach, always. Reciprocate. Mirror the behavior of the other party afterward. Reward cooperation. Penalize defection. But forgive. After punishing defection, be willing to cooperate if the other party does—or if you find yourself in a spiral of disagreement. That’s about it. The simplicity makes it easy to understand and use. Tit for tat strengthens you as a communicator. It retaliates when wronged, thus you won’t be exploited. Not any more.

Real life implications of tit for tat:

• Conflict: in disputes, tit for that helps de-escalate conflict by encouraging fair exchanges. If one party compromises, the other does the same. If one party acts aggressively, the other retaliates in proportion. This could be a workplace dispute, where two colleagues reciprocate actions—like dividing responsibilities;

• Business: tit for tat is priceless in negotiations as trust and reciprocity are invaluable for long-term, lasting, quality partnerships. A supplier could offer a discount, expecting their client to place a larger order. If the client delays payment, the supplier can fairly revoke the discount in subsequent deals;

• Diplomacy: tit for tat has long been used in arms control, trade agreements, and peacebuilding. Cooperation fuels mutual trust. Retaliation discourages breaches. During the Cold War, for instance, the U.S. and Soviet Union followed a tit for tat dynamic; when one side reduced weapons, the other reciprocated;

• Social: reciprocity is invaluable for maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships. Tit for tat helps balance the give-and-take dynamic. If a friend supports you during tough times, you are likely to help them later. However, if they consistently take advantage of you, you reduce your efforts in return;

• Parenting: parents can use tit for tat to teach children the value of cooperation and the consequences of harmful action. A mother could reward her son for following household rules. When he breaks the rules, the mother could enforce consequences, like subduing rewards until good behavior prevails again.

How you might use tit for tat as a mental model: (1) start positive, beginning interactions with gestures of kindness, cooperation, or goodwill, setting the tone for a constructive relationship; (2) be consistent, matching the other party’s behavior thereafter; (3) avoid undue escalation, responding proportionately to defection instead of overreacting—there should always be room for reconciliation; (4) signal forgiveness after you retaliate, being ready to cooperate so long as the other party demonstrates the willingness to do so; (5) monitor patterns, using tit for tat as a general rule in ongoing relationships, as this may reveal situations where you are being taken advantage of, for instance.

Thought-provoking insights. Countries use tariffs in a tit for tat manner. They impose tariffs in response to others’ trade barriers. While retaliatory, this incentivizes cooperative trade. Rivalry makes for efficiency. Open-source software is another example. Developers share code freely. But they stop contributing if they see others exploiting their projects. Similarly, in online marketplaces, sellers and buyers rate each other after transactions. Good ratings encourage reciprocal positivity. As the saying goes, “Do unto others as they do unto you.” It captures the essence of tit for tat. Strategically using tit for tat can optimize your outcomes. Humans want fairness and balance. Give them that fairness in balance in the ugly, and in the beautiful.