Golden And Platinum Rule: How To Communicate Easily

The golden rule is one we all know: treat others as you would like to be treated. It is rooted in empathy, emphasizing projecting your preferences and values onto others to guide actions. This is a universal principle found in countless religions and philosophies, promoting fairness, respect, and kindness. But have you heard of the platinum rule?: treat others as they would like to be treated. The platinum rule takes empathy a step further by encouraging you to understand and cater your preferences, values, and needs to others, rather than assuming they align with your own. It focuses on personalization and acknowledges diversity in how people wish to be treated.

Both rules offer guidance on how to treat others, but they differ in their approach. The golden rule is me-centered, known as the ethic of reciprocity. The platinum rule takes a cardinally different approach. It’s others-centered, recognizing that everyone has distinct needs, preferences, and values, and that treating everybody the same way is not always practical or appropriate. Instead, listening to others, understanding their needs and desires, and adapting your behavior accordingly is the right path.

The platinum rule is especially relevant in today’s diverse and multicultural society, where individuals from different backgrounds and cultures have different expectations and values. By listening to others and taking into account their needs, we can all build stronger relationships and avoid unneeded tension, misunderstandings, and conflicts. At the core, the golden rule assumes a level of shared values and experiences, suggesting our preferences to be universally applicable. It overlooks the fact that people’s preferences can differ significantly from our own and risks unintentional harm when applied in unfamiliar contexts. The core promise of the platinum rule, however, is understanding the unique desires and expectations of others. The biggest limitation is the effort involved, as the platinum rule prerequisites a much higher level of emotional intellect, active listening, and understanding of others.

Real life implications of the golden and platinum rules:

• Relationships: the golden rule—offer support and kindness based on what you would appreciate; the platinum rule—tailor your actions to the needs and wants of a partner or friend;

• Leadership: the golden rule—treat employees the way you’d like to be treated, fairly and respectfully; the platinum rule—recognize individual motivations and adjust your management style accordingly;

• Cross-cultural communication: the golden rule—assume shared values of politeness and respect; the platinum rule—learn specific cultural customs and norms, like gestures that can mean gratitude in one country may be insulting in another;

• Customer service: the golden rule—treat all customers with equal politeness and attentiveness; the platinum rule—personalize services based on customer preferences, since some clients value efficiency whilst others want detailed explanations;

• Conflict: the golden rule—address the issue you would want it to be solved, probably calmly and rationally; the platinum rule—understand the other party’s emotional state and desired outcome, and adjust accordingly to meet them where they stand.

How you might use each rule effectively as a thinking tool: (the golden rule) should be a baseline to ensure fair communication and ethical treatment in situations where you lack specific knowledge about a person, and can be applied broadly such as to showcase kindness to strangers or to act with integrity; (the platinum rule) can be employed in relationships where you have the opportunity to learn about the other person’s values, preferences, and/or needs—listen actively, observe, and communicate directly to understand how others want to be treated, and furnish that for them.

Thought-provoking insights. There has to be a balance between the two. Neither rule is perfect. Their effectiveness is context-dependent. The golden rule serves as a moral foundation, whilst the platinum rule fine-tunes interactions by accounting for individuality. Both rules highlight stepping outside yourself. Whether by imagining yourself in another’s shoes or deeply understanding their unique perspective, empathy is critical. The golden rule is about fairness by assuming equality. The platinum rule emphasizes personalization, acknowledging that fairness does not always mean treating everyone the same. Together, they form a toolkit for you to foster trust and meaningful personal and professional connections. Use both.