Reciprocity: The Magic Of A Gift

Reciprocity is a social norm of responding to an action executed by another person with a similar or equivalent action. As a social construct, it means positive actions are returned with equally friendly, cooperative ones, and analogically for negative actions. It used to be taken literally, hence “eye for an eye.” People used to be sentenced to death for causing the death of another.

Some evolutionary psychologists even speculate that reciprocity is in the very nature of humans and a major contributor to our survival as a species. They claim we survived and thrived because our ancestors learned to share goods and services. Reciprocity does result in better resource allocation and utilization of labor, making humans more efficient, but there is no proof for it being an innate quality. Though given the benefits of reciprocity at the societal and individual level, it is not surprising the norm has persisted for thousands of years and continues to sway our behavior.

Reciprocity is a strong determinant of our actions and judgments. It can trigger feelings of indebtedness when faced with an uninvited favor, irrespective of how much you like the person providing the favor. For instance, in one experiment “Joe”—a confederate—gave the subject a soft drink and would ask them to buy raffle tickets from him. When participants liked Joe, they bought more tickets from him. But when Joe gave them a soda, it no longer mattered whether they liked him or not, they just felt indebted and purchased more tickets than the mean. Thus you might be given gifts or done small favors prior to being asked to purchase something. Even in market conditions where there are high levels of competition, reciprocity wins out over self-interest.

Under the rule of reciprocity, we also become prone to concede to somebody who has made a concession to us. In this context, the requester initially makes a large request, which is refused, and then a smaller, more feasible request is presented, making the respondent more likely to agree to the second request. That is, if an individual asks us something and we refuse, we feel obligated to meet their second request even though we are not interested in whatever they are offering. We feel psychologically obligated because somebody has supposedly done something nice for us, we tend to copy good behavior like price discounts, and the discounted price appears more reasonable in contrast to the larger one. Boom. We buy things.

Reciprocity can be positive: returning a good deed with a good deed, such as a business offering discounts to loyal customers as a way of reciprocating their patronage. It can be negative: retaliation for harm or unfair treatment, such as a country imposing tariffs on another in response to their legislations, which can result in a negative cycle of disagreement. And it can be general or balanced: actions are matched in magnitude or altruistic acts are done with no expectations of return, such as parents caring for their kids or fair trades.

The benefits of reciprocity: it strengthens relationships, fostering trust and deeper bonds because people feel their efforts are acknowledged; it encourages collaboration in teams, communities, and workplaces by ensuring mutual benefit; it builds reputation as those who reciprocate goodwill tend to be perceived as generous and fair; it encourages fairness, preventing one-sided dependency and exploitation. The potential risks: expectations can be mismanaged when one side does not reciprocate; it can be used to manipulate individuals; negative reciprocity only escalates conflicts and erodes trust; the pressure to reciprocate and create stress or result in us reciprocating beyond our capabilities.

Real life implications of reciprocity:

• Business: companies can give free samples, discounts, or valuable content to attract customers and encourage them to reciprocate with purchases or loyalty;

• Work: employees who help their colleagues or go the extra mile in their work can inspire reciprocal efforts that reverberate throughout the organization;

• Negotiation: concessions and/or compromises in negotiations can prompt the other party to do the same;

• Relationships: acts like listening, gift giving, kindness, and support can form mutual-reciprocity networks which benefit every party involved;

• Community: volunteering or contributing resources to community initiatives can generate large-scale goodwill.

How you might utilize reciprocity as a mental model: (1) start with generosity, always beginning relationships and collaborations by offering value first with no expectations of return; (2) reciprocate emotionally by listening and being generous in personal and professional interactions; (3) make small concessions and compromises to prompt the other party to respond in kind to tip negotiations in your favor; (4) foster a culture of reciprocity in your team where everybody regularly helps and acknowledges each other’s contributions; (5) subtly reciprocate in networking by giving out free value to build rapport without making interactions feel like transactions; (6) offer perks, discounts, or personalized attention to customers as a business to create a desire for loyalty; (7) in relationships, concentrate on altruistic acts with no expectation of reciprocity to strengthen bonds and altruistic behavior.

Thought-provoking insights: the human experience is interconnected with countless exchanges of reciprocity forming a sort of web that holds societies together; while it builds trust, reciprocity can function unnaturally in selfish spheres such as marketing. “Scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.” and “Kindness begets kindness.” are great reminders to be slightly kinder than you need to be because goodwill does inspire similar actions. “Give and take, live and let live.” at the same time, relationships are harmonious when reciprocity is in balance and not one-sided.

Questions to reflect on:

1. How does the principle of reciprocity influence your personal and professional relationships?

2. What boundaries should you consider to ensure reciprocal exchanges remain balanced and not one-sided?

3. How does the expectation of reciprocity affect decision-making in negotiations or business deals?

4. When have your reciprocal actions led to unexpected benefits?

5. What effect does the act of giving have on leadership within your community and/or organization?

Quotes that put reciprocity into perspective:

1. "Give, and it shall be given to you." - A traditional proverb.

2. "Reciprocity is not just a moral virtue; it's the engine that drives human connection." - Unknown author.

3. "In the currency of relationships, genuine giving reaps the richest rewards." - Unknown author.

Example use cases:

1. Business partnerships: establishing agreements where each party contributes resources or expertise can create a cycle of mutual support which spurts further growth for both parties.

2. Negotiation: initiating negotiations by offering a small concession or favor encourages the other party to reciprocate and results in a cooperative atmosphere.

3. Network: actively engaging in professional networking by sharing valuable information or contacts results in greater opportunities in the future.

4. Team: fostering a culture where teammates regularly offer assistance and share knowledge reinforces a collaborative environment that benefits the entire organization.