Liking: How Your Stupid Preferences Work

Intuitively, you know that your thinking is distorted in favor of things you like and against things you dislike. It’s natural. Liking psychology is in the very essence of what makes us tick as social beings. It reveals why you instantly click with some people, whilst others don’t stand out. Replace “people” with anything from products and services, to advertisements and pieces of art. Liking and the psychological mechanism of preferring certain individuals, objects, or ideas offers a priceless lens into how you form opinions about things. From tapping into liking as a marketer for irresistible campaigns to forming meaningful connections with people, the applications are endless.

Liking is a cognitive, emotional, and behavioral process. All three scales, combined. You can like something and know you like it. You can feel like you like something and not necessarily understand why. And you can act in a way that reveals you like something without subscribing to the idea. Or, perhaps you like something, you know you do (entry level), you feel like you do (attachment level), and you practice it (commitment level). Think of it in terms of relationships. The cognitive level is “Hey, this guy or gal seems cool. I’d like to learn more about them.” The emotional level is “Wow, they really are as loyal as they seemed. I value that. Let’s keep hanging out.” And the behavioral level is “I cannot go without my dose of that person. They fulfill a need for me.” Same goes for brands, working out, services, businesses, foods, etcetera.

The concept has been around since humans have been social creatures. Translated, that means forever. Since the 20th century when psychologists dipped their feet into how liking functions, we have learned a lot. We know that we tend to like rewarding things (e.g. people who offer emotional support or financial backing). It’s a subconscious trade-off. Next is reinforcement: we like things that make us feel good and dislike things that make us feel bad (e.g. the person who constantly brings positive experiences into our lives over the critic). Picture yourself as one of Pavlov’s dogs. When you get a treat, you’re happy, and you grow to associate the action needed to get the treat with happiness.

There are countless facets that go into liking. What’s more interesting is the implication of liking on our behavior. For instance, if you have a favorable impression of a speaker, you are more inclined to accept their arguments as sound, even if they are flawed. If you dislike someone, you might dismiss their ideas without fully considering someone. A product review from a brand you favor might seem more positive to you from a brand you dislike. A celebrity endorsing a product can lend it credibility. But if you dislike the figure you could view the product skeptically. Even in a negotiation, liking one party leads you to concede more, whilst disliking another makes you competitive.

Real-life examples of liking:

• Consumerism: you’re choosing between two smartphones. One is from a brand you love due to its design and customer service. The other is from a brand you dislike because of past negative experiences. Even if both phones are similar technically, your emotional bias makes you choose the brand you like, regardless of objective performance.

• Political Decisions: during an election, you automatically dismiss a candidate’s policy proposals because you dislike the candidate. Analogically, when the candidate you admire comes onto the scene, you accept policies without scrutiny. This bias results in polarization. The merit of the policies is overshadowed by personal feelings.

• Workplace Evaluations: a manager rates an employee’s performance more favorably if they have positive personal rapport. Even if the objective data is average or mediocre. Such evaluations mean skewed performance reviews. Promotions are affected. Undue bonuses are given. Overall team morale suffers — the real winners aren’t rewarded for their input.

• Media and Information: when reading reviews or news articles, you are inclined to believe those that confirm your existing notions. You like sources you already trust and dismiss unfamiliar or disliked outlets. This creates echo chambers. Balanced perspectives get little or no exposure. Preexisting views are reinforced. Yet another year of no change.

How you can use liking as a mental model: (1) thumbs middle — regularly reflect on how your likes and dislikes influence your judgments, asking yourself whether you are evaluating something based on sound criteria or preexisting feelings; (2) data, not disposition — make decisions based on veritable information not personal preference, such as by quickly jotting down a pros and cons list to help offset those emotional biases; (3) read the rainbow — expose yourself to a variety of perspectives, especially those that disprove what you want to be true; (4) keep your windows open — try to understand where others are coming from when they disagree, considering the context that shapes their views; (5) separate the “what” from the “who” — in professional settings, seek to evaluate work on merit rather than your feelings about the individual who did the work.