Fish In The Water: Why You Struggle To Understand Others

One day, a fish asked his buddy, “How’s the water?” The other fish looked around and replied, “What the hell is water?” The point is that its easy to forget what surrounds you is normal to you because its what you know. To others, that environment, those habits, and the people can seem strange. This applies to most social settings. Think about the workplace. Many people do many things that seem strange to us. The fact is, they’re thinking in different terms and see the world through a different set of eyeballs. You have to be aware of this not to make the wrong assumptions about people and to avoid miscommunication.

Fish do not know they are in water. They are surrounded by it. Submerged in it. Its impossible to see until they jump outside of it. This exact principle applies to you: you’re so entrenched in your way of seeing and doing things that you sometimes think there is only one reality. That’s your fundamental error. Culture, upbringing, genetics, skills, and personality. These individualities matter. They are the “water” of your life: the customs and traditions you inherit, the ideas ingrained in you by family and society, and the daily patterns that feel natural to you.

You do not know you are in water because you don’t know what it means to be without it. It is literally the metaphorical comfort zone. This doesn’t only apply to individuals. A business operating in a highly competitive market can employ aggressive tactics solely because such behavior is the norm. Even if it does not work in its favor. People and teams assume their way of doing things is universal. In reality, different environments yield entirely different behaviors and outcomes. The “water” you are in dictates how you swim.

Real-world examples of fish in the water:

• Corporate Culture: employees in a company adopt its specific behaviors based on the “water”. They might work long hours or communicate a certain way because that is the norm. The culture becomes so ingrained that new employees never question it. Even if it limits the innovative capacity of the organization or well-being of the individuals.

• Social Norms: individuals may take for granted certain cultural practices. Take language idioms and social rituals. The reason? The practices are omnipresent: it has “always been done this way”. Immigrants or travelers might be surprised by how different behaviors in their home culture are observed compared to what they see abroad — a fish feels foreign in unknown “water”.

• Economic Behavior: consumers may not realize how much their spending habits are influenced by peer behavior. There is an inherent, subconscious pressure to upgrade gadgets or fashion trends if those around are doing so. Financial advisors who help clients understand these influence can help them spend mindfully.

• Personal Habits: you could be unaware of how your daily routine is shaped by your environment. Like how urban noise or social media affects your stress levels. Being aware of these influences can result in proactive change. You might opt in for mindfulness practices or redesign your living space to reduce stress.

How you can use the fish in the water mental model: (1) be wary of your “water” — reflect on the elements of your environment and how they weigh into your behavior and decisions (e.g. a pantry full of junk food probably pushes you to grab some, a distracting work environment stresses you out, etc.); (2) take a swim in different waters — engage with people from different backgrounds and visit new environments to gain a fresh perspective (e.g. travel, visit art galleries, talk to new people, participate in your local community); (3) challenge what “normal” means — question whether the norms you take for granted are optimal or merely a product of your surroundings and explore new ways of doing things; (4) change your “water” — if you do discover that certain environmental factors are limiting you, consider modifying your setting (e.g. redesign your office, change your social circles).