How To Fail Right

You can be a failure. That’s fine. I’m okay with that. A profound disappointment. Just don’t be a bother. Drip your days down the drain quietly. Don’t leave people hanging and grieving for you. In other words, take care of everybody involved. Care for your co-workers, employees, friends, and family. Warn them of your anticipated collapse. Life is hard enough. Why make it harder for them? If you foresaw a decline and protected those involved, you did everything you could. You die an honorable death, soldier.

At Least Don’t Fail Twice!

Failure is inevitable. Life ebbs and flows. Things happen. Lattes go cold. Sandwiches are soggy. Pizza crusts are dry, not crispy. Monday morning traffic and weather is gray and gloomy. Emotions overtake rationality. Heuristics skew decisions. Guns shoot, cars crash, bombs explode, news misinform, propaganda spreads, diseases infect, illnesses lurk, businesses collapse, markets bust… It rains. It pours. It showers and storms. People die. Failure is assured. Failing responsibly is not.

It’s a skill. This “proper failure” thing. Failing people are liable for their failures. Just because you’re hurting, does not mean you should be harming. That is what this capability entails. Our missteps should not disproportionately damage others. Minimizing collateral loss is one of the responsibilities of the failing. It doesn’t stop at crying into pillows and selfish grief. Taking ownership and leaving stakeholders—individuals or organizations—equipped to handle the fallout is the way. Otherwise, you failed to fail.

Minimize The Suck

Besides being an ethical responsibility of any member of society, failing properly promises a share of benefits. There’s damage. Everyone suffers. The organization. The people. The trust. Diminishing hurt has downstream effects on our social fabric. Do it poorly, and people can be emotionally, financially, and socially wrecked. Do it well, and you preserve dignity, foster growth, and build resilience in those involved. Don’t view failure as merely an event; it’s a process that impacts systems, relationships, and individuals. Don’t regard it salvaging solutions; it demands maturity, foresight, and compassion.

Failing sucks. This is the art of minimizing the setback, maximizing the setup. Relationships are built and maintained on trust. Mismanagement of the aftermath of failure can fracture bonds irreparably. An instance of terrible leadership is hiding mistakes from the team, eroding confidence in the process. The alternative is being honest and accountable and inquiring the team on how it can be overcome. Together.

She Stings A Sweet Poison

Oddly enough, minimizing harm is part of our genome. We just don’t always tap into nonmaleficence. We should. If we are a candle business that cannot meet demand, we should take every step to soften the fall for our customer. Inform them. Compensate wherever possible—a different scent or monetary refund, perhaps. Help them transition to another provider if needed. In professional settings, professional failure signals competence and the ability to handle pressure. Now wouldn’t you want to shop from a firm that can gracefully manage setbacks and doesn’t leave stakeholders hanging?

Failure is a potent teacher. Use her tutoring. She is undermined far too often. Her lessons are painful, but great. Reflect on failure while you’re addressing the consequences. Don’t keep her to yourself. Facilitate it into an organization-wide or team-level educational experience. This reduces the anti-failure culture dogma, enables open discussion about failure, and encourages continuous improvement. Losses become wins. Toyota assembly lines know. Thus they have, over the decades, developed insanely efficient processes for their cars. A culture of growth, well, grows.

Cushion The Impact

The finance world is only one branch of failing properly. The concept itself sits atop psychology. A cocktail of prosocial behavior, systems thinking, growth mindset, and moral competitiveness. The foremost is self-explanatory. Doing things that benefit others. Even at a personal cost. Proper failure sometimes entails placing others’ needs above your pride or comfort. You and I have experienced this one. Maybe it wasn’t entirely our conscious choice. Remember apologizing in public as a child? Yeah. She taught us a lesson. It worked. We didn’t act out again. Probably.

Systems thinking brings us to organizations. The nuts and bolts, cogs and gears, and oil and fuel make the mechanism run. Not you. Not them. You and them. Understanding how components of the system interact and how failure impacts others is critical. Especially for leaders. They need to foresee departmental failure. Frequently, a small misstep can cascade supply chains, customer relations, and employee morale. Takes one. Comprehending the system as a whole and caring for all of it’s constituents, from janitor to CEO, is an indispensable trait of any leader. Teams love a leader who loves them. Care and be cared for.

How It Looks Like In Practice

Carol Dweck enters the scene. The term she coined, growth mindset, emphasizes learning from setbacks rather than viewing them as final judgments of capability. You’ve heard it a thousand times. The notion transcends teams and individuals. Fall. Get up. Try again. Own it. Use failure as a springboard for improvement, not as a circus cannon to demise. Demonstrate the same for your team. It’s your responsibility—to be transparent, to respect their autonomy, to preserve their dignity, to ensure they feel connected and valued. Be a leader people want to follow.

I hear you. Quixotic. Vague. Impractical. Wrong.

A tech startup is running out of funding and is likely to shut down. It does it properly: (1) it notifies the employees early, explains the financial situation clearly, and offers assistance in finding new roles; (2) it informs investors, ensures they know the causes and lessons learned, and protects their confidence for future ventures; (3) it releases a transparent statement to maintain credibility, reputation, and eliminate speculation. The result? Employees feel valued, investors supportive, the public trusting of the founder.

A CEO must step down due to their health problems. They do it properly: (1) they develop a succession plan with board members; (2) they honestly communicate it to employees and highlight continuity and stability; (3) they remain available for consultation as their health allows it. The result? The organization transitions smoothly, employees feel reassured and not abandoned at random.

A professor fails to deliver promised research. He or she does it properly: (1) notifies the funding agency and collaborators; (2) proposes alternative uses for the remaining funds or unused resources; (3) shares research data with the academic community to preserve value. The result? Transparency keeps them a credible expert in their field, whilst the data benefits others.

A couple decides on divorce. The two of them do it properly: (1) they prioritize harmonious communication and mediate the losses; (2) they avoid involving children in arguments and using them as bargaining tools; (3) they divide assets equitably and decide on parenting strategies. The result? Emotional harm is minimized, children grow up stable despite the instability of a separated family.

A personal financial crisis—loan payments cannot be met. The individual does it properly: (1) they contact creditors before it’s too late to discuss restructuring payments; (2) they avoid taking on new debt. The result? Financial harm is minimized, relationships and professionalism are preserved.

Reflect—On Yourself, First

Yes, it works. Yes, it’s practical. Yes, it’s effortful. Understanding how people react to loss and using strategies to de-escalate the tension was never supposed to be easy. Only, it’s your responsibility to know how to, and to put to practice failing properly. Manage transitions with grace. Don’t throw it in their face. Repair relationships. Rebuild trust. Maintain reputability, if only a trace.

Ask. Empathy is a cornerstone of failing properly. After all, your concern is minimizing the risk of another failure and the cost of the current one. How does this affect them emotionally, financially, or socially? Who does it affect and how can you minimize the burden? What early warning signs can you use to foresee and mitigate potential failure? Are you modeling responsible, transparent, accountable failure for those around?

The Take Home

To conclude, failing properly is about more than damage control. Setbacks are inevitable. Why not learn from them? Why not strengthen the organization using them? Approached thoughtfully, she is a tutor, a system reinforcer, a relationship promoter, a reputation builder. You’ll meet failure one day or another. Befriend her. “I can accept failure,” said Michael Jordan, “everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”