The Truth About Enemies: Competition Makes You Better

Too many friends. Too little enemies. Your current situation. You need more antagonists, less protagonists. More foes, less allies. More attackers, less defenders. More competition, less companionship. Rivalry endows you with astonishing energy. Wanting something is weak. Craving, yearning, hankering, being absolutely hungry for something is strong. Those passionate urges don’t stem from camaraderie and harmony. They come from animosity and chaos.

Wrong Does You Right

When everything is going right, there’s no need to change. No need to improve, grow, face challenges, or learn. Sayings were invented to bestow this wisdom. Don’t fix what’s broken. Don’t rock the boat. Let sleeping dogs lie. Accept the status quo. Leave well enough alone. Harmony isn’t motivating. We are—and have been for hundreds of years—told to leave it as is. What’s in accord, we don’t touch. Where there’s agreement, we don’t argue. When there’s peace, we don’t interfere.

Meanwhile, when everything is going wrong, there is need to change. Need to adapt, revise strategies, alter methods, find alternatives, reform processes. Proverbs were also devised for this side. Only, for the wrong reasons. They view and regard it a negative. Disrupt a good thing. Tinker with success. Meddle with a proven method. Interfere with progress. Mess with a winning formula. These expressions are trying to lampoon the power of chaos. Thus the norm is to avoid disorder. Screw discord. Welcome concord.

Winners Win, Losers Lose

Doesn’t take genius to see how limiting this is. It’s apparent. Straight away. Constant tranquility results in, well, constancy. Constancy of the negative kind. Not stability, loyalty, fidelity, and devotion. No. The other. Invariability, doggedness, monotony, and tedium. Harmony is, ironically, a formula for catastrophe. Companies that don’t compete are left in the dust. Individuals that don’t aim to win are losers.

Being satisfied with the present isn’t an upside. The opposite. The contradictory. It means you, your team, or your enterprise has lost it’s drive. The drive that fueled and got you where you are now. The spirit you and they need to move forward, to go above and beyond, to push the envelope, to leave it all on the table. This is why you don’t need more friends, allies, supporters… This is why you would benefit from enemies, foes, rivals… They spark your fire. They breathe passion, enthusiasm, and stamina into you.

Go Anger Some People

Wait wait. Am I suggesting you go out of your way to find foes? Scream at people? Throw slurs and hate-speech left, right, and center? Object societal norms and organize parades? Don’t get too extreme—or extreme at all. Your enemy does not have to know they are your enemy. They do not have to be acquainted with you. They don’t have to know you exist. Matter of fact, they don’t even have to be alive, or human beings. They just have to spark that fire, strum that chord, pull the lever in you—triggering grief, anger, sadness, annoyance, sheer hatred…

I first learned about this concept from Patrick Bet-David. Successful guy. That is putting it lightly. An entrepreneur and thought leader. Substantial impact on the world in business strategy, personal development, and beyond. Although his business practices aren’t my favorite, don’t mix art and artist. He wrote Choose Your Enemies Wisely, a unique perspective on conflict, competition, and what I’ve spoken of thus far—the importance of enemies. The book conflicts with convention and endorses conflict. With a strategic twist.

Get Ruthless About Competing

Bet-David throws a knightly challenge to the convention: enemies are to be avoided or defeated. He argues otherwise. Enemies—competitors, rivals, critics, internal or external obstacles—can be mighty motivators. In other words, choose your enemy wisely, get challenged in meaningful ways, and fuel your journey to greater heights. The “enemy” is far from the traditional sense. Anyone or anything that opposes your goals, values, and beliefs fits the bill. Business competitor. Criticizing father. Obesity epidemic. Social media platform. The ex. Our core values, fears, limitations—yes, you can be your own obstacle.

While primarily a business book, the concept can be applied to any domain. Anywhere where you would benefit from analyzing, understanding, and outdoing your competitors’ strengths, weaknesses, and strategies. Academics? Sure. Imagine the genius at the top of the class or the athlete as your enemy. Study him or her. See what’s working and what isn’t. Cultivate their strengths. Overcome their weaknesses. They don’t need to know. Be strategic, rational, and ruthless. Win. Same goes for work, business, and any personal and professional endeavor. The alternative? You lose.

The Why and How

These enemies serve countless functions and are immensely valuable. Enemies help you clarify what matters—help you prioritize. Opponents demand that you define what you truly stand and are willing to fight for. Formidable foes set us on fire. Motivation to work harder. Drive to push beyond our limits, creatively and productively. Enemies pressure you to innovate. Check on your pipeline. Refine your skills. Explore new possibilities. And, being reputable as someone who does not avoid conflict but embraces it strategically, you build credibility.

Ready to make some? Here’s the author’s recommendation about what should and shouldn’t be an enemy. (1) Alignment; an adversary without a meaningful challenge or relevancy to your objectives is a waste of time and energy. (2) Potential; an adversary should push you to grow and improve, making you better, not just one you defeat easily. (3) Strategy; consider whether conflict with this adversary strengthens you, opens up opportunities, heightens your motivation or reputation, and does not purely drain you. (4) Long-term; choose adversaries with a significant long-term impact on you, your team, or your enterprise. (5) Repeat; once an adversary is outbid (you learn your lesson, overtake them), find a new one.

Fine Line

The art is simple, but you can screw it up. Be careful. Literally. Full of care. Control those emotions. Emotional discipline is needed to make use of this strategy. Bet-David calls it “controlled aggression”. Igniting a fire in you is great. Don’t forget what fires are. Enough, and you’re hot and motivated. Too little, and you’re frozen and stagnant. Too much, and you’re burning down. Ensure you are purposeful and strategic. Anger and frustration are not advocated. Win against enemies fairly. The point of Bet-David’s book and this post is not to get you fucking attacking people. Be respectful, responsible, fair, honest. Hold yourself to a high ethical standard.

Final Wisdom

In the end, choosing your enemies wisely is a counterintuitive method to be immensely motivated. It turns negativity into positivity by channeling it as fuel. Patrick Bet-David’s book is a terrific read or listen. Recommended. If you are going to make any difference or do anything of value for this world, you need enemies. If you don’t have enemies, you’re a coward. If you try to please people with everything you do, you’ll lose. Don’t bury your emotions, your negativity. Instead, use them. “To be successful you need friends,” said Sidney Sheldon, “and to be very successful you need enemies.”