Denial: Why People Suck At Accepting Problems

Denial is a defense mechanism when we refuse to recognize facts and/or experiences. It is an unconscious process that serves to protect us from discomfort. Denial typically encompasses truths that are too difficult for an individual to confront. This is why its rare to find someone who can easily accept that they have a problem with alcohol, food, substances, or another unhealthy habit. Most will struggle against it and craft various arguments to demonstrate they have no problem whatsoever.

The thing about denial is it isn’t exclusive to mentally impaired individuals. We all deny things. Denial shapes dynamics in various domains of our lives: relationships, health, business decisions, and so forth. In most instances, this results in short-term satisfaction and long-term pain. Ultimately, confronting reality — even if it is painful, difficult, and uncomfortable — is the best path forward. Take the person who loves to shop even though they are not financially secure and are accruing debt. They will deny their financial reality and continue buying items they cannot afford. Admitting to their factual limitations is upsetting, thus they continue down the negative spiral.

What’s worse is denial isn’t always conscious. Actually, it rarely is. The distortion, minimization, or outright rejection of facts happens subconsciously. People don’t realize they are doing it. It could save our self-esteem for another day but it won’t make us fare any better long-term. A person diagnosed with a terminal illness, denying the doctor’s prognosis will only cause worse outcomes for themselves. A business owner refusing to acknowledge financial losses will suffocate their firm. A government denying action on crises despite mounting evidence will make society suffer. An individual ignoring their partner’s repeated betrayals and toxic behavior will remain miserable indefinitely.

Real-world examples of denial:

• Personal Level: health denial comes in the form of ignoring symptoms of illness to avoid facing a disappointing medical diagnosis. Financial denial incurs when you overspend despite debt, believing everything will work out. Addiction denial is when an addict, perhaps an alcoholic, insists that they can stop anytime despite evidence to the contrary.

• Business and Leadership: Kodak refused to believe digital cameras would replace film, and now it’s history. Companies that deny new technologies are overtaken by competitors. Managers that refuse to acknowledge key team members are underperforming drown out their companies.

• Societal Level: climate change denial manifests when people refuse to accept scientific consensus due to economic or political reasons. War denial results when leaders insist they are winning despite clear signs of capitulation. Historical denialism comes when we ignore atrocities written in the pages of history to protect national pride.

How you can use denial as a mental model: (1) spot denial at play — look for signs of rationalization, minimizing, or rejection of evidence, and ask “Am I avoiding an uncomfortable truth?”; (2) take small steps to reality — total confrontation is overwhelming, so start by acknowledging parts of the truth instead of shoving down full acceptance immediately; (3) get analytical — separate emotions from your situation since they drive denial, ask “If this were someone else’s situation, what would I advise them to do?”; (4) look in the mirror — aim for self-honesty and external feedback, first by seeing yourself as you are, then by surrounding yourself with those who will challenge your blind spots.