Constant Growth Is Stupid: This Is Reality

Expecting to always grow is stupid. Stupid is a strong word. In this case, an understatement. The world is obsessed with growth. Personal development. Career advancement. Business improvement. Want to learn about how bird beaks influenced the evolution of primates and made homo sapiens possible? There is probably a course for that. Ebooks, tests, practice sets, video lessons, simulations, virtual classrooms…

Upwards! Always!

But constant growth is, at best, a myth. At worse, a psychological impediment. Notice: at “worse” not “worst”. It’s a “widely held but false belief or idea.” Oxford’s definition for “myth”. This delusion that everybody—the employers, employees, executives, CEOs, artists, parents, founders—and everything—the economy, businesses, relationships, organizations, clubs, classes—should be on a linear upwards trend, it’s terrible. Life ebbs and flows. So do people. So do their creations and relations. Sometimes things go bad, and other things go on the back burner.

That’s part of the process. Yet we don’t want to accept and live with it. You and I hate staying in place. Not to mention moving backwards. The horseshit out there about non-stop progress gets our brain juices going. Dopaminergic firework festival. To infinity and beyond. Buzz Lightyear said that before flexing his acrobatics skills on the other toys. Toy Story is kids stuff, man. Infinite growth is baloney. The misconception makes for misbehavior. Misbehavior is putting it lightly.

Questions and Answers

Expecting consistent progression makes for rash decisions. People leave otherwise prosperous relationships—in which they have been for years, to which they have dedicated great effort—because they feel they cannot “grow” as individuals. Businesses forego effective processes and parts of products and services their clientele loves because their bottom line is no longer “steadily rising”. Parents stop instilling discipline on their kids because their critique isn’t tangibly helping their “development”. Warped expectations is one thing. Consequential actions are a different villain.

Relationships, businesses, parenthood… They can be amazing growth vehicles. Sadly, you squander that potential and strain the relationship or worsen business or parenting practices by upholding the “growth at all times, at all costs” mantra. Take the relationship exemplar. Critique helps us grow. Fact. If you had to live with a partner for the rest of your life, which would it be?: (a) someone who calls you out on everything you do, or (b) someone who sometimes lets things go with the flow?

“Must Grow”

The answer is obvious. Extremely obvious because of the “for the rest of your life”. You can ask the same for personal, career, business, [insert domain] growth. Switch “someone” and “calls you out” with fitting alternatives. Would you rather live with (a) a version of yourself who holds that mantra—“growth at all times, at all costs”—and critiques you when it isn’t followed, or (b) a version of yourself who prioritizes growth but sometimes lets things go with the flow? If you want answers, ask questions.

Truth is, life includes many more noes than yesses. Many. In relationships, you’ll have to learn to accept your partner’s flaws and quirks. You’ll need to find compromise where you disagree. Because that’s life, and approaching it with the “you—or I, we, business, investment, etc.—must grow” attitude is setting yourself up for a sour future. An unattainable dream, I’m afraid. One you’ve been pushed and programmed into believing.

Mindset Shift

Continuing with the relationship example, reckon the “lucky” folks. Those who have been happily married for thirty, forty, more years. I’m not speaking of those who can’t stand the sight of each other but are stuck together. I mean people who still find it fun to sleep in the same bed. These “lucky” couples haven’t squeezed every last drop of human potential and “growth” out of their relationships. No. They’re not “lucky”. They just accept their partner’s obvious, standout, prominent flaws. Accepting a person despite who they are, knowing that they will never be perfect. Magic.

Adopt that state of mind in all your affairs, and you’ll see things change. Everything might appear in a different, positive light. Have low expectations in trivial matters. Let go of “growth at all times, at all costs”. Grab hold of “growth at fitting times, at sound costs”. Admit you’ll never have all the answers. If you try to grow constantly, you will destroy everything around you and eventually yourself. Like cancer.

Spring Growth, Summer Cultivation, Autumn Harvest, Winter Rest

Mentor Ella Ray equates it to the seasons. “You need to know when to grow and when to harvest.” Ray writes, “It doesn’t matter how many hours you grind and work on something.” Keep being consistent, and then comes the time when you can “harvest the fruit.” And, after the harvest, you need to replenish the soil, you need to feed yourself rest to replenish yourself and await the next season with it’s obstacles and challenges. Push sometimes. Pull back at others. “Can do” doesn’t mean “have to do”.

Final Comment

To conclude, you need to let go of expectations of constant growth and instead aim for consistent growth. It doesn’t help to seek growth everywhere and all the time. Sometimes it’s better to take a step back and bring your best self to the issue a bit later. More isn’t more. The Chinese have a proverb, “Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.”