Comparison Is Valuable: This Is The Reason Why

Comparison is great. When it isn’t overdone or underdone. When it isn’t exaggerated for or against you. When it isn’t against artificial, curated, and pretentious others. Then comparison is a tool. It can—can and will—leave you disappointed, uncomfortable, insecure, and self-conscious. But no contraption is flawless. Power tools vibrate. Construction sites are loud. Agricultural equipment is deafening. Comparison causes discomfort. Part of the process.

Negative Beliefs and Application

Now, for comparison to be constructive—helpful—and not destructive—harmful—it has to tick a few boxes. An examination so we don’t turn it into pure self-denunciation. That’s what most do. They evaluate the differences and similarities of themselves relative to others—comparing themselves—incorrectly. Comparison, applied wrong, is damaging. Damaging mentally and physically. Akin to a health supplement. Take too little, and it’s useless. Money down the drain. Take enough, and it’s healthful. Money spent finely. Take too much, and it’s noxious. Money causing pain.

Nobody teaches us what constructive and destructive comparison looks like. We’re merely advised against it. Which is poor guidance. This evil whisper has gone generation to generation, constructing the belief that measuring against others is bad. Not true. Apples are bad. If you eat pounds. Bananas are terrible. If you overdose on potassium. Cherries kill. If you chew the seeds and get cyanide poisoning. Rid yourself of the categorical view that comparison is bad. Nothing in our world is so binary, so sharply defined.

Criticism Is Awesome

Hope we got that monstrosity out of your head. Granted you are firmly convinced that comparison is detrimental, I can’t help. Challenge yourself. Overcome the outdated notion. Supposing you are not, let us give comparison three dimensions: (1) extent, (2) duration, and (3) fit. The first serves as the how much. The second concerns itself with how long. And, the third is the who. All three have to be met to approach comparison constructively. Call it the art of self-critique—balanced self-critique which builds and does not break you.

How much and how long? The extent and duration should be the bare minimum to attain an accurate benchmark of reality. Keywords: minimum, accurate, benchmark, reality. None of these are met when people randomly assess themselves against media stars, famous actors, or financially successful individuals. Think about it. Minimum? Nu-uh, entire feeds are scrolled, countless curated pictures looked at, glorious investments and business ventures read into. Accurate? No. Only the cherry-picked pictures of photoshopped faces or financial wins and not losses are delved into. Reality? Best angle. Incredible image-edits. Professional lighting. You tell me.

What If You Are Wrong?

In husky contrast, appraise yourself against the same people, just do it differently. Instead of chewing over every detail, pick something relevant—minimize. Not their face, their hair. Not their net worth, their last investment. Not their bestselling books list, their chapter. Hone in. Limit your scope. In the process, aim to make it as accurate and realistic a benchmark as possible by seeking different sources. Try opposing your beliefs and opinions. Aim to prove yourself wrong. Taking the antithesis for a test drive can be eye-opening. Spend most of your time here. Cannot go wrong when you evaluate both ends.

Who? Here’s another place where people ruin themselves. They compare against the wrong people at the wrong time in the wrong place. Consider the business example. John. Twenty-three. Fresh graduate. Got into business two years ago. Earns enough to sustain twenty-three Johns. Successful. Tony. Fifty-nine. Experienced, both as a founder in volatile tech environments, and as an investor in startups. Got into business long before John left the womb. Billionaire. The classic case: John weighs himself against Tony (wrong who?) and becomes insecure in the process. John’s mind does not leave him alone because Tony is doing better, despite the person, time, and place being entirely wrong (mismatch of age, status, experience, education, etcetera).

Snap Back To Reality—As The Kids Say

What should John be doing instead? Well, why not begin by contemplating young Tony? Tony at twenty-three. The unexperienced Tony. Tony before his wins and losses taught him. Vastly more accurate and realistic. While we’re at it, why not bear in mind younger and older Tony’s advice? Maybe the fifty-niner is putting forth more spa sessions than a soul of twenty-three needs? That’s the thing: you have to compare yourself to fitting people. People in fitting stages of their lives. You might find that they too struggled, and lost, and had their breakdowns, and suffered this and that.

Combined, the how much, how long, and against who make or break comparison as a self-improvement vehicle. It is possible to impair yourself using it. Be mindful of fit, accuracy, and realism. Choose an individual detail, not them as a whole. Travel backward or forward in time if needed. Try an age match. Try an opportunity-availability match. Try an effort-impact match. Align with who they used to be, not just who they are. Applying comparison constructively hinges on avoiding the many pitfalls along the way. Focus on learning, not ego (look to grow, not to see if you are superior or inferior). Accept differences (recognize shortcomings, view them compassionately). Separate identity from outcomes (take into account things like relationships, hobbies, and health).

Poorer and Weaker Or Richer and Stronger

But, say you do it wrong. What are those terrible downsides I’ve been hinting at? In short, it undermines your health and wealth. If you focus excessively on others’ achievements and not your progress, your self-esteem declines. If you compete and try to match your success, you may feel inadequate, put in unrealistic efforts, and burnout. If you compare extrinsic domains (status, fame, money), you might get detached and lose a sense of purpose. Like I said, approach it knowing of the risks. The potential gains—motivation, skill acquisition, self-awareness, agency, resilience, empathy, self-appreciation, amongst others—are incredible.

Final Comment

In sum, comparison can fuel self-improvement and growth when approached with a balanced mindset. The comparison tightrope isn’t easy, but well worth it. Shift from competitive to collaborative thought—view others’ achievements as directions for action, not threats to self-worth. Wish you luck. You won’t need it. “Stop thinking you’re doing it all wrong,” said Eleanor Brown, “Your path doesn’t look like anybody else’s because it can’t, it shouldn’t, and it won’t.”