"Be Authentic" Is Terrible Advice, Don't Be Dumb

Stop being authentic. Stop doing what you want, when you want, where you want, how you want, why you want. You’re doing yourself and others a disservice. Don’t listen to your gut. Forget your hunch, your sixth sense, your intuition, your inner voice, your instincts. Absurd? Capricious? Irrational? But, seriously. Let go. Don’t be you. Be the professional. Be the spouse. Be the friend. Be the founder. Be someone better.

Unreliable Source Of Wisdom

Tricked you? Played a smart one on you? Used my aces on you? Nu-uh. Being yourself is deceitful advice. No high-achieving individual—not one—has been unapologetically themselves throughout. Reread that. As many times as it takes. Outstanding things are not achieved by acting in accordance to what your heart wants. It wants a lot. The things it wants change. The way it wants to attain those things changes. The state it wants to be in when crossing the finish line changes.

Put differently, relying on your “authentic self”—elsewhere “heart”, “intuition”, “sixth sense”, etcetera—to make decisions is foolish. Remember the jumpy castles we used to play in as kids? The wobbly ground, pushing each other around… Times when nobody frowned and everything was sound. Leaning on your gut as your decision-maker is akin to standing in one of those wonky castles. In contrast, counting on the brain switches the inflatable surface to asphalt. Firm. Steady. Durable. Consistent. Good decisions are called “solid” for a reason.

Logical Adult VS Emotional Child

In fact, this is done around you—and by you—every day. Authentic selves are let go for superior outcomes. Professional outcomes. Relational outcomes. Personal outcomes. For the greater good. You let go as well. Often. Do you say whatever you want, wherever you want, whenever you want, to whoever you want? Of course not. What a fucking conversation partner you would be. Do you work on what you want, where you want, when you want? No indeed. Sometimes we are required to sack our authentic selves and levy the professional. The thinker.

This switch answers most of your concerns about success and failure. Psychological. Personal. Professional. Relational. Mental. Physiological. Sociological. Financial. Occupational. Organizational. Greet the right hemisphere—the impulsive, adventurous, and intuitive. Politely tell him or her to fuck off. Meet the left hemisphere—the planning, analytical, and detail-oriented. Welcome them. They’re here to solve your quandaries. They guarantee to crack all your considerations. If you comply with theirs.

Take The Rational Approach

Stop being you. Be the role. Do athletes always want to train? Do surgeons always want to operate? Do teachers always want to teach? Do professors always want to lecture? Do artists always want to create? Do students always want to learn? Do pilots always want to fly? Do programmers always want to code? Do mathematicians always want to calculate? Do physicians always want to heal? Nope. They do the right thing, even when they don’t feel like it. Thank God. Wouldn’t want heart-driven professors, programmers, physicians, or pilots working.

You might deem this obvious. Childish, even. Why am I preaching what has been preached hundreds—no, thousands—of times? The tension between being yourself and fulfilling responsibilities fascinates many. Psychologists. Neurologists. Sociologists. Therapists. It’s the study of self-regulation. Self-governance. Role compartmentalization. It reveals many facets about your nature, amigo. It unveils why following your authentic feelings may result in suboptimal outcomes. It exposes the pitfalls of “be yourself” advice. Captivating. Warned you.

Mind The Mind Stuff

Psychologists have put forth the role and self-determination theories. They fit our conundrum like a glove. Role theory suggests that people balance multitudinous roles, each with expectations, norms, and behaviors. Authenticity fits in some. Be authentic in the family and with your friends. Please. But conflicts other roles. Roles that demand impartiality and detachment. When there’s a mismatch—excessive authenticity—relationships are harmed, productivity goes down, and job satisfaction plummets. Great stress is experienced. And, as we know, autonomy is crucial—but it doesn’t mean chasing desires. It means aligning your purpose with your social expectations and responsibilities. In other words, being a prosocial, professional, grown-up human being.

Neurology hands us a different, yet equally insightful scope. The prefrontal cortex is the judge and impulse overrider of the brain. When you make a decision which opposes your immediate impulse—staying calm, suppressing frustration—that beast is at work. It regulates emotional responses and upholds a professional decorum. It silences the amygdala—the emotional center. The better trained your prefrontal cortex, the better your ability to act in a proficient manner. We have many names for it. Willpower. Emotional intelligence. Self-control. Discipline. The more of this stuff you possess, the higher your chances of success.

Don’t Actually Be Yourself

Hence, “be yourself” is bad counsel. Gives the wrong idea. Authenticity isn’t the explanation to everything. Sorry. It’ll only morph you into a tunnel visioned, unyielding, fragile asshole with poor boundaries. You don’t want to prioritize prompt feelings over long-term goals, teamwork, and collective good. You don’t want to act on what feels natural and struggle to build resilience. You don’t want to screw up roles of confidentiality, composure, or empathy. What you do want is an equilibrium betwixt authenticity—being yourself—and professionalism—being righteous.

Will it be easy? That’s the kicker. It’s meant to be tough. Overcommitting to yourself is child’s play. Ignoring information that doesn’t coincide with your wants and beliefs is painless. Downhill work. But doing so is noxious. Dismisses valuable inputs. Limits growth. Impairs judgment. Emotionally fatigues. Inhibits open-mindedness. Worsens leadership. Derails careers. Depletes adaptability. Compromises ethics. Stifles creativity. Alienates others. Creates friction. Managing yourself is hard, yet it pays. Pays in long-term satisfaction.

Forget Yourself Altogether

Don’t believe me? Okay. Forget the whole success and happiness gizmo. Let us shake hands on the welfare of society. Do it for others. Surgeons override stress and exhaustion to perform operations. Customer service representatives suppress their feelings and maintain a pleasant tone. Therapists don’t overshadow their clients’ emotions. Police officers manage adrenaline in high-stakes situations. Teachers overlook frustration or disappointment to get through to every student. Lawyers withhold judgments about their clients. Firefighters set aside fears for public safety. Actors portray emotions that don’t represent or conflict with their own. Be like them. Be something for someone.

Final Wisdom

In short, the idea of “being yourself” is oversimplified. Authenticity can and often does become counterproductive when it isn’t tempered by awareness of situational demands. Self-regulation, adaptability, and the ability to act outside your comfort zone are what you actually want. Not sheer authenticity. They are what contribute to success, resilience, and lasting satisfaction. “You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.” said Wayne M. Dyer.